Lies Parents Tell Their Kids that Are Hilarious

Most of the time, it’s much easier to tell younger children a lie than try to explain the truth. Sometimes parents don’t know the answer or don’t want to get into certain mature subject matters with their kids. The following is a list of funny lies parents have told their children to either get them to do something or to get them to stop asking questions.

1. The T.V. Only Works When it Rains

Getting kids off of screens isn’t always easy. Sometimes a little lie can help kids get more fresh air and activity outside. 

“My flatmate grew up on a farm and was told by her parents that their TV only worked when it rained. She believed this for far, far too long.”

Other lies regarding television:

“Had a friend in middle school that didn’t know about TV channels until she went to school. The TV was on PBS and that was just what the TV showed.”

“My parents told me that the kid’s channels only worked when my sister and I were ill.”

“Similarly, our tv broke every summer, forcing my sister and I to play outside. Years later our mom confessed that she would just unplug it. Kids are so trusting.”

One parent thought it wasn’t a bad strategy: “I think this is a brilliant lie..get the kids out when it’s nice and keep them entertained when it’s not.”

2. If You Touch It, It Will Turn into Spiders

Kids often get into things they shouldn’t. Here are a few lies that helped them stay away. 

“When I was a kid I once stepped on a patch of cleaning stuff my dad had spread on the carpet to clean up a stain. I told him about it and he said “You know, if you don’t wash that your foot will fall off.”

“At the store I work at, heard this from a parent to their child. “Every time you touch something, a kitten dies.”

“When my daughter was little, I found her fiddling with the child-proof latch on the cabinet under the kitchen sink. “Hey”, I told her, “Don’t touch that.”

“But I wanna see what’s in there” was her reply. Poisons, cleaning agents, and all the other assorted nasty stuff that makes it necessary to have it locked in the first place is the real reason, of course. But the actual answer I gave her was “Oh, no you don’t…you don’t want to open that door. You’d let the monster out”.

“The monster?”, she said, with a skeptical look.

“Uh huh…we keep a monster in there to help clean the dishes. Watch…” — I took one of the dinner plates and washed the leftovers down the garbage disposal — “…now I’ve sent the monster his food, and….” With a surreptitious flick of the switch on the disposal, the “monster” came to life.

“See…that’s the monster eating the leftover food. Want me to open the cabinet so you can see?”

“Noooo! Don’t open the cabinet and let the monster out!”

3. Adjusting Midnight on New Year’s Eve

“Living on the West Coast, my friend would show the East Coast feed of the NYE count down to her kiddos. They were always in bed by nine. Brilliant.”

“Worked wonders because I would let them stay up after their 8pm bed time so they thought it was way later than it was. Then the got old enough to tell time, darn it!”

“When I was a kid, my parents would secretly move the clocks ahead all day long (a half hour at a time), until every clock in the house was 3 hours fast. Midnight always came at 9. We didn’t even know about the ball drop on tv until we were much older.”

4. Making Excuses When the Tooth Fairy Forgets

“As a kid I lost a tooth, put it in a plastic bag, slid it under my pillow, then went to bed early so the tooth fairy could come. When my parents forgot to put money under my pillow my dad said “You shouldn’t have put the tooth in a bag. The tooth fairy couldn’t smell it.”

5. How They Name Hurricanes

“My mom told my sister that they only named hurricanes after girls otherwise they would be himicanes.”

“My dad always told me that the men in charge of naming the hurricanes named them after their wives.”

6. A Penguin Lives Behind the Fridge

“My mom told my brother and I that a penguin lived behind the fridge, and if we left the door open too long we’d steal his cold and he’d get mad and come out and bite us. It worked on my brother. I asked my mom to move the fridge so I could pet the penguin.”

7. Santa Uses Christmas Trees to Spy

“That Santa uses Christmas trees as spy beacons to make sure children aren’t being naughty. There was a tree in each of the kids’ rooms until the youngest was 13 or 14.”

“Ahh… life before “Elf On the Shelf”

8. The Ice Cream Truck Doesn’t Have Ice Cream

“I was told it was the music truck and that was its sole purpose. My mom was a bit bummed when I came home from school one day and asked her “Did you know the music truck sells ice cream!??”

“If the ice cream truck is playing music, it means they have run out of ice cream” 

“My mom really hated Jello when she was little, so my grandpa told her the ice cream truck was actually the Jello truck. When she heard the ice cream truck music down the street, she would run and hide until it went away.”

9. Coke is Black Water

“Oh no this isn’t Cola it’s black water you wouldn’t like it”

“Me: Do you want some water?
Kids: No, we want juice.
Me: Would you like water or clear juice?

More food falsehoods:

“I loved eating “steak” as a kid. Turns out it was actually liver. My mom knew I liked it, but also knew I wouldn’t eat if i found out what it really was. She as right. I haven’t touched the stuff since I was a kid.”

“I told my kids if the didn’t behave in the drive thru they’d get a Sad Meal (instead of a Happy Meal). That’s a hamburger and a spanking.”

“My parents got me to eat calamari by telling me they were “Italian onion rings.”

“My mother told me that Pears were Space Apples. She told all of my siblings this, and it always worked.”

10. Your Tongue Turns Purple When you Lie

“#1 comes from my sister- she has her kids convinced that when they lie their tongues turn purple.. Knows they’re lying when they try to hide their tongue while talking.” 

“A better one is your ears will turn red. The kids always cup their ears when they lie. And it’s much more believable too.”

“When I can “see” something my kids can’t, it’s because of my “momma” powers. They don’t get those until they have their own kids.”

“My Grandma always told us that our noses would turn red. Only stopped believing about 3 years ago. I turn 23 in two weeks.”

“My mom told my younger siblings that when they tell a lie, they would grow “lie bumps” on their tongue. For years, any time she suspected they were lying, she just had to say “Let me see your tongue.” Made it much easier to solve arguments where they both blamed each other.”

11. Roadkill is Sleeping

“My father always said the animals on the side of the road were just taking a nap since the road was warm.”

Other animal and pet lies:

“I was five years old when my pet Guinea pig died. My mom left the cage open on the porch, staging an escape. She told me that my pet had met a boy Guinea pig, that they had fallen in love, and they had run off into the woods to be married and have babies. I was well into my twenties before I realized the sad truth.”

“My first ever cat was a white one with long fluffy hair. After a few months he disappeared. My parents told me he ran away to find his own family and have kittens.”

What lies have you heard adults tell kids, told your own kids or heard from your parents? 

This article was produced by This Mom is On Fire.

This post appeared on Reddit.

Feature Image credit: © studioroman via

Her Son Made a Rude Comment About a Zookeeper Scooping Poop for a Living. So She Signed Him Up to Volunteer at the Zoo for a Week. He is Very Upset. Was She Wrong?

He Yelled at a Misbehaving Child in a Restaurant and Made the Boy Cry. The Mother Came and Told Him Off But Made No Attempt to Discipline Her Son. Was He Wrong to Yell at the Kid to Stop Running Around and Being Disruptive?

She Was Excited to Have an Empty Seat Beside Her On the Plane for Room to Stretch and Rest. Flight Attendant Moved Another Passenger to the Empty Seat So a Baby Could Sit Beside the Mom. She Thought the Mom Acted Entitled. Was She Wrong?