Many married couples share their finances and keep joint accounts. This system usually helps keep spending equitable and makes budgeting and managing expenses easier. However, finances can be a significant source of stress in marriages, so some couples prefer to keep things separate and share in the expenses. This wife thought she could ‘borrow’ money from her husband, but things didn’t go as planned.
They Have Been Together for Almost a Decade
The original poster (OP) has been with her husband for eight years, and they have been married for three years. They don’t have children but plan to try next year.
They Keep Their Finances Separate
OP says they don’t have joint bank accounts. They decided it would be better to keep accounts separate to keep track of their money and avoid financial issues. OP says her husband has no problem providing for her, however.
She Planned an Evening Out
OP planned a get-together with her aunt, who she hadn’t seen in nearly two years.
She Lost Her Debit Card
OP had no problem paying her way for the evening. However, she lost her debit card the night before meeting her aunt. She reported it stolen, so she couldn’t pay for herself without it until she received a new one.
She Needed Money for Her Night Out
OP’s husband couldn’t give her a ride to the dinner because he was working. She would need money to take an Uber and pay for dinner.
She Used Her Husband’s Debit Card
OP decided to take a picture of her husband’s debit card and save it on her Uber app. She took money to pay for her fare there and return home, as well as money to pay for dinner. She spent a total of $120.
She Didn’t Ask His Permission
Here is the problem. OP didn’t ask her husband’s permission before using his debit card. He noticed the charges, and when she got home, he told her he was disappointed and hurt that she would do this.
It’s Not About the Money
OP’s husband said it wasn’t about the money, it was about the principle. He went so far as to call her a thief and said not asking before using his debit card “said a lot about her character.”
Sharing Money in a Marriage
OP feels like what she did is justified in a marriage and doesn’t understand how this incident changed OP’s perspective of her.
Was She Wrong?
OP is reaching out to the online community to ask if she made a mistake. The top-voted response says she shouldn’t have taken her husband’s debit card without his permission.
“If you had informed him about it and explained the situation, he’d have probably accommodated you, but this way you did steal money from his account.”
Hundreds of other readers left comments that has similar sentiments.
“And now she broke her husband’s trust. That’s not going to magically be repaired anytime soon either.”
“Exactly! I would never in a million years ‘borrow’ any of my husband’s cards without asking first. Also, what if she had caused him to over draft? What if he saw the charge, thought is was stolen, and canceled it?”
“She didn’t “borrow” his card, she took a picture of it behind hid back. That’s really sneaky and underhanded.”
Several people also mentioned security issues to saving debit cards on your phone. What if he received a notification and instantly canceled his card, thinking it had been stolen?
“Yeah my husband and I are very ¨what’s mine is yours,¨ but I’d still be freaked out if I was suddenly getting notifications on my phone about purchases I had not made, from a card that’s currently sitting in my wallet. OP had time to get the card from his wallet, take pictures of the card, put the card back in the wallet, and upload the picture to Uber. Why not use some of that time to talk to her husband and let him know what had happened to her card and ask if she could use his?”
What do you think? Should OP be allowed to use her husband’s money without asking because they have been together as a couple for so long? Did her husband go too far by calling her a thief? Is he right to no longer trust her?
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Source: reddit.