The original poster (OP) has a full-time job working 35 hours a week, with a condensed work week, and has most Fridays off. Her boyfriend is an electrician and works 40 hours a week. They have only been living together for a couple of months. At that time, her boyfriend made it clear that he felt that making a meal was an expression of love, and he would like OP to make dinner during the work week. OP understands that since she’s working from home, it’s easier for her to make dinner, and she doesn’t mind making most of the meals. However, she has been making all of the meals since he moved in.
OP says she usually prepares dinner or completes other household chores over her lunch break and makes evening dinner. She feels like she doesn’t have time to unwind and leave the house. It’s also tricky for her to go to the gym because he expects to have dinner ready. She has attempted to batch-cook some meals before, but he doesn’t like leftovers more than two nights in a row.
On the days he is home, such as when his job site was closed because of the extreme cold weather, and on weekends, he hasn’t prepared any meals. OP had enough and asked him to prepare one to three meals weekly. However, it turned into an argument, with him saying he works long hours doing physical labor and is tired and in pain at the end of the day. He said it’s fair that she be responsible for making the meals because she works from home and her job is easier.
Ironically he also belittled the task of making a meal, saying it isn’t hard, “it only takes 30 seconds to take the chicken out of the freezer.” He mentioned that OP stopped making his sandwiches for lunch. OP says she made his lunches for about a week but then became tired of always being in the kitchen and didn’t want to make it a habit. Her boyfriend reminded her again that making him dinner was a way for her to express her love for him.
She Wants a Partnership
OP told her boyfriend she needed him to be a partner and that it would be fairer if he made some meals. She doesn’t care if he cooks, orders in, or picks up something frozen or precooked from the grocery store as long as he contributes. He immediately dismissed her concerns and acted as if she was making a big deal out of nothing. He believes how dinner is managed now is very convenient.
OP is looking for an 80/20 split of the cooking rather than her doing 100% of it. She doesn’t understand how he asks her to view it as love, but when he does it, it’s a chore. OP is starting to feel trapped. She’s wondering what she should do now?
The Readers Comment
Many readers are confused as to why he can’t help out more. Several said that although their partners work outside the home, they still contribute to the household chores., including making meals.
“My dad was in the trades and had two carpal tunnel surgeries. He cooked before and after and as soon as he could use his arms again. His pain thing is BS.”
“My dad was an electrician. His schedule had him home early. I would say my sahm (stay-at-home-mom) did the majority of cooking, but my dad helped in some way most nights if he didn’t make the full meal. Like peeling vegetables or was the one cooking stuff on the grill. “
“My husband right now is the one working because we just had a 6 month old. Monday- Friday I do most of what I can do with help firm my mom and his. Saturday and Sunday. He basically takes care of the baby and cooks. This is how a relationship should work”
Several readers disapprove of her boyfriend’s attitude and think she should stop cooking daily and re-evaluate the relationship.
“Of course the way things have been has been “convenient”, he doesn’t have to do anything. If making dinner isn’t that hard and it only takes 30 seconds to take chicken out of the freezer, why can’t he do that? If his love language is making meals, then he must not love you since he doesn’t cook for you. I’d suggest going on strike. Until he’s willing to come to some form of compromise, he can make his own meals. But in all honesty, is this what you want for your life?”
“Like that episode of I Love Lucy when Ricky gripes about Lucy’s cooking so she serves him raw bacon – she struck a match and ran the flame over it a few times first though.”
“I’m off to tell my husband that his buying me designer purses is an expression of love. It only takes 30 seconds to add to cart and enter in credit card information. Wonder if he’ll fall for that.”
“Anybody that pulls the ‘if you loved me you would’ card like this is a manipulator.”
“Cooking a meal for someone can be an expression of love. It becomes something very different when someone bullies you into doing it.”
What do you think? Should she accept making dinner because it’s easier for her when she’s working from home? Or should her boyfriend step up and start helping out? If he refuses to start helping with the cooking, should OP consider breaking up with him?
This article was produced by This Mom is On Fire.
This post originally appeared on Reddit.