Breaking up with a partner is never easy, but sometimes it becomes necessary for one’s own well-being and happiness. For women, certain moments or realizations may serve as a turning point in a relationship and make them realize that it’s time to move on. These moments could be triggered by various reasons, such as emotional distance, lack of trust, or even abuse. People in an online forum discuss their “I’m done” moments when they knew it was time to end a relationship.
He Would Ruin Her Birthday Every Year
Several women told stories about repetitive behavior by exes when they would be especially terrible to them on their birthdays. Why would they act especially rude on a birthday? If their goal is to intentionally ruin a day when most people feel cheerful and loved, then nothing should scream “I’m done” more than this.
“He’d find an excuse every year to start a fight or give me the silent treatment on my birthday. I actually ended up leaving him the day after my birthday because he was on his “best behavior” for the first time because he knew I had 1 foot out the door. I couldn’t handle the facade anymore.”
“My ex always made sure to make my birthday as miserable as possible.”
Refusal to Discuss Their Future
It’s natural in a relationship to want to discuss future plans like marriage and children. People need to understand the level of commitment and want to feel secure that the relationship is solid. If a partner refuses to talk about their feelings and future plans, the other person in the relationship is more likely to feel insecure and unloved.
“When I was crying so often because he wouldn’t discuss marriage and kids with me and he said that he tuned me out whenever I asked.”
“I don’t understand why some men refuse to discuss life plans. If they don’t want marriage or kids, they should just be honest.”
Absent When They Were Unhealthy
If they aren’t there in sickness AND in health, then it is the best time to re-evaluate the relationship. When people are weakened, they hope they can rely on partners for support.
“I had major surgery and he never bothered to ask how I was or come see me. We’d been dating for 6 years. There were many other straws, but that was the last one.”
“I was hobbling around on crutches and instead of being with me he wanted to go to his moms house to watch the football game….for the whole weekend. Luckily it was fairly early in the relationship that I learned mom is no 1. in his life.”
“My ex invited a friend over when I was puking my guts out for 2 days.”
“When I just got home from major spine surgery, severe pain, hallucinations, and a raging fever/infection, and he wouldn’t take me back to the hospital (3 days post op) because it was his “day off”. He didn’t visit me in the 4 weeks I was in ICU either.”
Lack of Support
Many people expect their partners to be there for them through tough times. It’s not unusual to need somebody to lean on while facing life’s challenges. If you can’t rely on your partner, it’s time to prioritize your needs.
“My ex didn’t come to my father’s funeral or my grandfather’s funeral. After my grandfather’s funeral, I began to seriously question my love for him and I slowly changed. Two years after, I was out. I still feel the pain when I think of his lack of empathy.”
Lack of Appreciation
From making meals regularly to household chores, partners who primarily carry the weight of managing the household often feel unappreciated. Without help or acknowledgment, resentment can build, ultimately affecting the relationship.
“I got home before he did so I would cook dinner every night (in addition to doing most of the cleaning, of course) and I told him I felt unappreciated because he never said “thank you” when I served dinner. He said verbatim “I’m not going to say ‘thank you’ EVERY DAY!” And explained that I should know he’s grateful and obviously he likes my food since he’s eating it. Now I’m married to someone who does most of the cooking and I say “thank you” multiple times a day!”
They Were Turning Abusive
Sometimes the aggression doesn’t come out immediately, and sometimes the signs are there, but we turn a blind eye. But everyone has their limits, and the sooner you get out of an abusive relationship, the better off you will be.
“When, in the middle of yet another pointless argument that he started, he blew up, threw the glass in his hand at the wall, and told me to get out or he was going to hit me. I grabbed my stuff and didn’t look back. He called me three days later, absolutely furious at me for ghosting him. I straight up said, “You told me to get out or you would hit me. Why would I come back?” He tried backpedaling by reassuring me that I should have known he would never actually hit me. I told him it’s not a chance I’m willing to take. So glad I’m now with someone who truly cares about me.”
Frankly, nobody wants to be with a ‘Debbie Downer’ all the time. With a constantly negative mood and outlook, the desire to be with that person will reduce with time.
“He had a habit of complaining about everything. Nothing was ever good enough. We were watching one of my favorite movies and he kept complaining about it and trying to poke holes in the plot. I got upset and said “this is the last movie I’m ever watching with you”. Of course he was like “awww why??” as if he did no wrong. I broke up with him a couple weeks later and now he hates me because he “doesn’t understand what he did wrong”. It really was the last movie I ever watched with him.”
He Was in Touch With His Ex
Contact with an ex is never a good sign, especially if it’s behind your partner’s back. If they have unresolved feelings, they will often hold on to the current partner while continuing communication with an ex to see if they are worth giving another try.
“Very recently when I learned he texts his ex every single day and at one point they were talking about how I need therapy for my trust issues. Beyond ironic.”
He Was Financially Dependent on Her
When a partner has reached their 30s and still doesn’t have a steady income, it’s hard to make future plans for such things as starting a family and buying a house together. At some point, financially supporting a grown man who has money for other things that are important to them can wear thin.
“It was our one year anniversary and we were out to dinner. The waitress was telling us about their surf & turf special options, it was like a prix-fixe with choice of appetizer, soup/salad, entree, and dessert for like $45. Not bad at all. But as soon as she walked away he kind of laughed and said “Well, I don’t have surf & turf money”. He’s 42 years old. He spends like $3-500 a month on weed.” She says she eventually came to the realization that she didn’t need to support a grown man. “I’m 34. I want to buy a house and have kids sometime in the next few years. If he doesn’t have surf & turf money (or save money for a nice night out), he definitely doesn’t have house and kids money or the desire/fortitude to save for it. I ordered a $12 salad for dinner, afterwards we went to a couple of bars for wine (I paid), and then I broke up with him in his driveway.”
She Didn’t Miss Him
As the saying goes, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Unless it doesn’t. If you don’t miss your partner when you are away from them for an extended period, then perhaps it’s time to evaluate the need to be with them.
“I went on a two month trip and didn’t miss him an ounce. Sounds hurtful and mean but I knew that wasn’t my person because of it. Of course there were many other things during our relationship that led to that point, but that was the biggest wake up call for sure.”
“When we went a week without communicating/talking because I decided to stop messaging first.”
The Mental Load Became Too Much
When a partner likes to take a back seat to planning and decision-making, the burden can become too much for the person who has to take charge, especially for more significant things like finances and children. If a partner doesn’t carry their weight, it’s grounds for breaking up.
“He would never give a decisive answer to anything, even little inconsequential things. I got tired of carrying the mental load for both of us and broke it off. Nearly 12 years later and he’s still ‘whatevering’ his way through life.”
She Had to Mother Him
When a mother still takes responsibility for doing things for her adult child instead of teaching them to be independent, their future partner will be expected to do the same. Sure, people like to feel needed in a relationship, but not for doing everything in their life for them.
“When his mom gave me the paperwork and chore of registering his car with the DMV instead of him. It felt like a passing of the torch, and I felt sick to my stomach at the idea of being my boyfriend’s mom. I knew that if I were to stay, I would have to do every task for both of us. I knew it before, but having that be acknowledged by others made it real.”
She Gave Her Boyfriend Her Purse and Ice Cream While She Quickly Used the Restroom. He Put them on the Ground So He Could Eat His Ice Cream and Made Her Angry. Was He Wrong?
She has been with her boyfriend for over five years. So it’s surprising after being together for so long that they are experiencing this situation for the first time. She is upset at her boyfriend’s actions and is asking readers if she is wrong.
His Friend and Girlfriend Came to His Pool Party With Her Dog. He Refused to Let the Dog in and Told Her to Take it Home. His Friend Knows He Hates Dogs But Still Thinks He Was a Jerk. Was He Wrong?
The original poster (OP) is 25 years old and decided to throw a pool party since the weather warmed up. He invited a bunch of friends over to his house. They swam, had a bbq, drank, and watched sports. They had fun, but there was an incident with one of his friends, and he is reaching out to ask if he was wrong in how he handled it.
First Date Red Flags Men See in Women
When you date someone new, you generally try your best to make a good first impression. But sometimes, red flags jump out in your first meeting. Readers were asked to discuss first-date red flags men see in women. It’s interesting to see if women see the same flags in men and hear about their wild and hilarious first-date stories. Here is what men had to say about the warning signs they saw on their first dates.
He is Torn Between Destroying the Garden His Wife Loves and Accommodating His Nephew With a Wheelchair Ramp for His Visits. Should He Build the Ramp?
The original poster (OP) and his wife just purchased a new house. When his sister came to see the house, she asked if OP would like her husband, who is in construction, to install a ramp. The ramp is for her son, who is in a wheelchair.
Funny Marriage Advice that Actually Works
Men asked each other on Reddit, “What random marriage advice sounded absurd but was actually spot on helpful?” Here are some wise words that these men were given before their nuptials that hopefully made them better husbands.