It’s common for siblings to turn to their more successful siblings for financial help in their time of need. But the original poster (OP) feels that he has always worked hard, and his sister, who is asking for help, made poor choices in life. OP is 48 years old, married, and child-free by choice. He and his wife have good jobs and can afford expensive items and activities. They also only live in a one-bedroom apartment. OP owns a manufacturing plant that was given to him by his father. He also owns four classic cars that he purchased and restored.
He has one sister who is younger than he is. His sister doesn’t have a stake in the business because she didn’t want to work there. OP has worked for the family business since he was young and learned everything from his father. As a result, his sister knew she wouldn’t be inheriting anything from the company and was okay with it.
His sister is in her early 40s and has two children. She is the breadwinner and supports her children and her unemployed boyfriend. OP says her boyfriend spends most of his time stoned and playing Xbox. He’s always looking for a new job or blaming the ‘capitalist system’ for not having one.
The problem arose when his sister asked him for financial help. He says he has helped her with money in the past. OP says his niece, who is 10 years old, is an excellent singer. His sister wants to enroll her in lessons with a private coach but can’t afford it. She asked OP to help her because she was too embarrassed to ask their parents. She also doesn’t speak to the father of her daughter.
OP declined to help, which upset his sister. She commented on his money and cars and how having so much must be nice. OP says he’s sick of hearing it since he has worked so hard to have what he does. In anger, OP said, “Maybe if your boyfriend can put down the dope for all of 10 minutes, he can help you out.” He also said he has 5 cars and would buy another 5 before giving her a dime. He said her daughter isn’t his responsibility, and the parents need to figure things out. His other issue is he isn’t close with his niece. They live in another state and don’t see or know them much. He does send them birthday and Christmas gifts every year.
His sister then called OP’s wife and told her what happened and how mean he was. His wife wants him to pay for his niece’s singing lessons. He is reaching out to the reddit community to ask if he should pay and if he was wrong to make those comments to his sister, although she did start the argument first.
Some readers commented that they can understand why OP doesn’t want to help his sister.
“So it’s been years of making snide and passive aggressive comments by the sister. The same sister that is too ashamed, or too chicken, or – just maybe – has depleted the parents’ money train because of her constant begging. Maybe she’s made too many snippy comments to the parents, too, and they’ve finally had enough.”
They also commented that she has asked for money in the past and the more he helps, the more she will come to him.
“It’s also a classic “if you give a mouse a cookie” scenario. If he give the sister money for the niece then the sister will likely keep asking for money for the kids knowing he’ll give in because it’s “for the kids”. There’s no winning here. He could’ve been nicer but if I was dealing with those comments constantly I wouldn’t want to be either.”
But some readers think OP is leaving out some information since he does know exactly how his sister’s boyfriend is. They also don’t like OP’s attitude.
“You can spend your money any way you want to, but man, the entire attitude in this post rubs me the wrong way. I’m going to refrain from judgement because I feel like there’s a lot missing here. Also, seeing in the comments that your parents gave you the factory and your sister nothing probably adds a different family dynamic that you didn’t discuss here.”
“For someone who admits he doesn’t see his sister’s family much, OP seems to “know” a suspicious amount of information about sister’s family dynamic. I would not be surprised if there were a lot more going on here than OP lets on.”
What do you think? Should OP pay for his niece’s singing lessons? If he doesn’t pay, is his niece missing out on an opportunity because he is annoyed with his sister?
This article was produced by This Mom is On Fire.
This post originally appeared on reddit.
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