The original poster (OP) is in a great relationship and would like to marry his girlfriend. However her one request has his knickers in a twist and he isn’t willing to budge.
They are Excited About Their Future Together
OP and his girlfriend have been together for four years and are happy together.
He Gets Along With Her Parents
OP and his girlfriend visit her parents frequently around the holidays and they get along fine.
He Doesn’t Talk Politics
OP and his girlfriend don’t see eye to eye politically on many things with her father but know enough not to bring it up with him since they won’t agree.
They Discussed Marriage
OP talked about proposing to his girlfriend over the past couple of months and asked her about what she wants.
She Told Him What She Really Wanted
Since OP asked his girlfriend what he wanted, she requested that he ask her father for permission to marry her.
He Was Surprised
OP says he was taken aback by her request and it wasn’t something he believed his girlfriend would care about.
He Asked Her Why
His girlfriend told him it was something she would like him to do. Also, her sister’s husband asked her father for permission to marry her and her father would be giving them some money for the wedding.
Her Dad Might Not Pay
She also said getting money from her father for the wedding expenses may be contingent on him asking her dad for her hand in marriage.
OP Refused Her Request
OP told his girlfriend that he wouldn’t be asking another person for permission to marry her. He feels its an extremely outdated tradition.
She Became Angry
His girlfriend got mad and said he just needed to do it because it’s a small thing to ask for. She also wants some of the money from her father to have a few more things at their wedding that she won’t be able to afford without his money.
He’s Standing His Ground
Despite her reasoning, OP refuses to budge. He told her he won’t ask permission from anybody else to marry her.
The Readers Respond and Many are Supportive
Many readers supported OP’s position and agreed that its an outdated custom. There is also the risk that her father actually refuses to give permission.
“I agree that the newer custom of inform is really great! But there are a ton of families that still do the ask for their hand tradition. The latter is a situation you don’t want to find yourself in, as it can just as easily come down to a No.”
“That is exactly what OP should ask his girlfriend: “So if your father says no, are we done?”
How Can He Refuse Her Request?
There are some readers who are shocked that he would refuse such a simple request.
“I can completely understand it being outdated, and I can understand if you end up feeling embarrassed or something by doing it, but she’s asking this of you. Being married means that sometimes you compromise on your own comfort to make the other one beyond happy. Also, it’s not a bad thing to have financial help towards the wedding, and if asking permission is a way to do that, it’s pretty easy!”
“Outdated practice absolutely, respecting your future wife’s opinions and requests, very modern.”
Isn’t There a Compromise?
Some people suggested that OP change his perspective and inform her father that he wants to propose out of respect instead of asking for his permission.
“my husband also contacted my father. But it wasn’t “do I have your blessing to marry your daughter” and more “hey, I love your daughter so much I’m going to ask to marry her”. It was just more letting him know of his plans y’know?”
“But not only does your girlfriend not mind the idea of it, she’s literally begging you to do it. YTA. Just suck it up and do this one weird, embarrassing thing, for her sake.”
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