Her boyfriend has been clinically obese for years. He hadn’t thought about changing his lifestyle until he recently had a health scare. Since then, she has been placed in charge by his medical team of being his personal trainer since they live together. She doesn’t mind the role where she primarily provides daily reminders to take walks, weigh himself and not eat poorly.
However, her boyfriend is now purchasing smaller portions of food that she really enjoys because he’s worried he will overeat, even if the item is intended for her only. She understands why he does this but is starting to resent that he won’t buy things she likes because he’s afraid he will eat too much. After a year of him not purchasing the items she wanted, she became frustrated. She asked him to improve his relationship with food instead of her having to make sacrifices all the time. She suggested that he measure his food portion and only eat that amount instead of eating the entire package, which would help him learn self-control.
He said Alcoholics Anonymous encourages restricting what’s in the house, and that’s exactly what he is practicing. She told him unlike alcohol, food is necessary, and she shouldn’t have to go without the food she likes because he’s worried he will eat it all.
She believes her boyfriend isn’t facing his addiction to food head-on or in a healthy way. He needs to learn to have a better relationship with food and be mindful of what and how much he eats.
She also has no vehicle access, so she doesn’t go grocery shopping by herself. Although he weighs himself and takes walks when she reminds him, she does feel like he skates by and does the bare minimum.
She is reaching out to the online community to ask if she is being harsh and if her approach to exercising self-control rather than restricting food is wrong.
Some readers felt she should never have agreed to be his trainer or accountability partner.
“You should never have agreed to be his personal trainer. I was a personal trainer but would have never trained my obese husband. I wasn’t his mommy. This is so unhealthy. Get him a therapist that specializes in eating disorders. Actually, he needs to find a therapist. Not you. Seriously unhealthy dynamic.”
Some say that if she doesn’t like that he’s controlling aspects of her life, she needs to consider leaving.
“It’s very normal to make a man’s problems the responsibility of the women in his life, specifically. If you don’t want to live with someone who doesn’t want to learn to practice self-control and would rather control you, consider moving out.”
“She is made to be his boss, reminder, supervisor, hall monitor, caretaker, and mommy. This is not normal. This man has no backbone or self-control. He can’t even take care of his own health.” The reader added, “He is literally preventing her from having nice things because he can’t control himself. That is not normal at all.”
Several said if she couldn’t handle being her boyfriend’s basic support, she didn’t deserve to be in the relationship.
“If you can’t be bothered to remind your significant other to stay on goal, you can’t handle a relationship and should just be single. If I had a dollar for every time I had to remind my wife to do seemingly basic things to take care of her well-being, I’d be a billionaire.”
“If my wife wanted to quit smoking for her health and asked me not to smoke around her or keep smokes around, that’s not “I can’t have nice things anymore,” that’s “my wife wants to tackle this demon and live a longer, healthier life with me, and needs my help to make it happen.” She has my support, even if it inconveniences me right now. That’s how people in healthy relationships see things.”
What do you think? Is she right that her boyfriend needs to exercise self-control rather than restrict what comes into the house? Should being deprived of her favorite ice cream flavor and other treats for a year be a cause to break up?
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