The original poster (OP) is in a major dilemma in her life and is reaching out online to gather as many opinions as possible on the solution she’s proposing to save her marriage.
She’s Been With Her Husband for Years
They have been together for seven years total and married for three years.
They Agreed to Be Childfree
They agreed to be childfree when they got together but he has since shifted to wanting kids.
The Relationship Has Been Rocky
Their marriage over the past year has been extremely rocky as a result of him wanting kids but she says they still love each other and don’t want to leave each other.
They Went to a Marriage Counselor
Their marriage counselor has been pushing OP and her husband to find a resolution because things can’t continue the way they are without getting worse.
Her Husband Wants to Separate
OP’s husband discussed a trial separation. OP says he feels if he misses his chance to have children he will resent her in a few years so he would rather separate now than cause them both more pain.
She’s is Upset
OP says she is heartbroken. She doesn’t want her marriage to end.
She Talked to Her Friends
One friend suggested OP tell her husband that she would be willing to have a baby if he promises to take over all the childcare, from infancy to teenager. She believes this is a possible solution that will help them stay together. He gets his child and she gets to live her life as she has always dreamed she would.
She’s Afraid to Bring it Up
Although OP likes the suggestion, she’s afraid to raise it as an option with her husband, therapist or marriage counselor because they will think it’s a crazy idea.
Her Mom and Sister Weighed In
She asked her mom and sister for their opinion and they said that it’s feasible but they can’t imagine this system working in the long run. They believe she will probably get more people judging her for being an “absentee mom.”
OP is Confused
She’s wondering if she is a jerk for considering this option instead of just separating from her husband.
The Readers Respond
The popular opinion is that it’s a terrible idea and the child will suffer in the long run.
“You will be living with your kid withholding your love. The kid wont understand, all they will see is a narcissist who only cares about themselves. Break up with the husband it will be kinder to everyone than this.”
“I think the husband should get the child he wants, but with someone else. OP isn’t the a**hole for not wanting kids. She is the a**hole for wanting to subject a child to her indifference because she doesn’t want to divorce the husband. OP once you have kids it is no longer about you or him, it’s about them. If you aren’t ready for that then you need a divorce because you would be heartless to bring a child into your home with no plans on actually being a mother.”
Can They Be Happy as a Family?
“My fear here is along those lines that the husband would go along with this idea thinking it would change her & she would change her mind. It would most likely be a terrible idea, & it would just end up as one big ball of resentment. The father resenting his wife for never being there or helping with childcare. The child resenting the wife for never being there emotionally. The wife resenting the child for existing & for taking her husband away from her, & the wife also resenting the husband for resenting her when they had agreed on a plan. I just can’t see much chance that this wouldn’t end up with a family unit of deeply unhappy people.”
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Here’s Why Gen X Thinks They are Completely Overlooked Compared to Boomers, Millennials and Gen Z
There’s always so much talk about the Boomers, Millennials and Gen Z, why do we rarely hear about Generation X? Gen X was born between 1961 and 1981. The following are some reasons why people and Gen X in particular think Gen X is often overlooked today.
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She Fired an Employee When His Performance Plummeted Shortly After His Parents Died Suddenly and Wonders if She Made the Right Decision
The original poster (OP) had an issue with an employee at work and is wondering if she handled the situation poorly.
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She’s Been Parentified Since She Was 14 and is Now Being Shamed for Going to College Out of State on a Scholarship and Abandoning Her Sister and Baby
The original poster (OP) lives with her twin sister named Mary. They don’t have any other siblings and her parents both work full-time.