The original poster (OP) says her daughter Tina has dealt with the same bully Megan for two years. OP says the school has done what it can to help. Her daughter is no longer in the same classes as her bully, and their lockers aren’t nearby. The bully Megan was also suspended last year for what OP describes as a “particularly harsh incident.” The bullying has decreased since the school started keeping them apart.
However, there was another incident on Monday. Megan has always made fun of Tina’s weight. OP says Tina isn’t overweight, but she is curvier. She was fine with her body until Megan, and now one of Megan’s friends made comments about it again while waiting at the bus stop at the same time. Tina came home upset.
OP believes that Megan makes fun of Tina because Megan is insecure about herself. OP says although Megan is thin, she isn’t conventionally pretty (she didn’t use the words ugly). OP says she would never say this to Megan because she doesn’t want to stoop to her level.
However, she told Tina, and the comment made Tina feel better. But her older daughter Alexa overheard and told OP she was being just as nasty as Megan. Alexa said OP shouldn’t be putting such thoughts in Tina’s head. OP doesn’t believe Tina would say anything to Megan.
But OP is reaching out to the online community to ask if she was wrong to share her thought about Megan with Tina even though it made Tina feel better?
The response with the most votes says OP wasn’t wrong to say something negative about her daughter’s bully.
“She’s a bully. She deserves it. Tina needs to be reinforced and propped up, you’re not the ah because your other daughter is upset about the way you thought to do it, and It’s not like you said it in Megan’s presence. Good on you for supporting your child and improving her self-esteem and making her happy when she’s very upset in an immediate way. Just work on building it through uh, slightly more mature life lessons going forward.”
“I’m also guessing the older daughter Alexa wasn’t ever bullied for her weight either… NTA, op. I’m so sorry that it took a really bad incident to get the school to take it seriously. I grew up in a very small town and understood this scenario completely.”
Some readers did, however, think it wasn’t a good idea for OP to tell Tina that Megan is a bully because she is ugly.
“Just because I think this sets a bad precedent for Tina’s self-esteem, tbh. She shouldn’t hinge on “well, you’re ugly and mean, so I’m better than you!” to feel good about. She should be hinging on being a good person, intelligent, well rounded, confident, etc., and telling her girls are picking on her because they’re ugly doesn’t really set up for that.”
“You are an adult bullying a child. You are no better than her and have provided your child a glowing example of stooping down to her bully’s level. You have reinforced the bullying your daughter got because you demonstrated that it’s okay to talk unkindly about how a child looks if you don’t like them or they have done something that you don’t like.”
Others said that OP needs to step in a talk to Tina because bullying can have long-term effects on a person.
“I was bullied so much when I was a kid. I wish ANYONE had protected me back then. I’m tougher-skinned now because of it, but it doesn’t make it right. I have self-esteem issues to this day (I’m almost 45), but still have nightmares about what they did and said to/about me.”
What do you think? Should OP have told her daughter that her bully isn’t pretty, and that’s why she bullies her? Is she stooping to the bully’s level like her older daughter thinks?
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