She is engaged and has been with her fiancé for three years. She is excited to be with him but thinks she has made a mistake that could affect the relationship. They got engaged three months ago and are planning to marry in November. Last night they were discussing wedding arrangements when the topic of their financial plan after marriage came up. An argument started when she asked him when she would be added to the house deed.
When her fiancé was 23, his uncle died, leaving him a considerable inheritance that set him up for life. Her fiancé lives a simple life and mostly spends money on his hobbies. Before meeting her, he struggled to date because he was always worried that a woman would use him for his money.
She moved in with her fiancé a year into their relationship, and he has never charged her for any bills. He only asks that she pay for the luxury purchases that she wants. 9 months ago, he asked her if she wanted to stop working because she was miserable at work. They agreed that she could stop working under the following conditions: she would receive an allowance monthly, and he expected her to find hobbies and passions since they weren’t interested in having children. She happily agreed because her job was affecting her mental health.
But now their first disagreement has come up. He says he is uncomfortable adding her name to the deed because he fully paid off the house before they even met. He is also still responsible for all of the payments. She is upset because it makes her feel like she is a gold digger, and she assumed since they were going to be married, everything would be shared. He told her that he would put both their names on the deed if they decided to change houses. She doesn’t understand why he won’t do it for this house but is willing to do it for the next possible home.
She is upset and left to stay with her sister. She is asking if she is overreacting, as one of her good friends believes she is.
A response that received thousands of votes of support said, “You have a free ride, and you’re being exactly what he’s afraid of. This is his house that he paid for that you had no hand in at all. Now you want it, and it’s suspicious, and you already have way more than normal relationships would ever give you.”
“You have an amazingly generous offer in front of you. You can go back to study with no debt, you can get another job and save the money to buy a property of your own or start your own business. You could even decide all you want to do is volunteer work, and it sounds like he would continue to support you financially! Yet all you can focus on is the one asset he brought into the relationship and question why he won’t share that with you? “
“Yeah, I don’t see any red flags here. He’s not expecting a clean home and cooked dinner (which would be a red flag). He’s literally trying to get her to follow her dreams which is risky, but I would kill for a partner who wanted to do that for me, and possibly is the biggest green flag I’ve ever seen.”
But some readers say she’s opening herself up to potential financial abuse if she is completely dependent on her fiancé.
“She quit her job based on his suggestion. So now she is entering into a marriage where she has no income and no control over the assets. It creates a situation that is rife with opportunity for financial abuse, and she is right to want to have some sort of guarantee of financial security.”
“Idk (I don’t know). This sounds like trouble for their relationship down the line. She should have her own source of income in the end. It’s nice to be able to take a break for a few months or years because of a supportive partner, but in the end, get your stuff straight and figure out what you want to do.”
“Maybe it’s because I’ve got many years of life experience on OP (original poster), but I would feel very uncomfortable being fully reliant on someone else. I’d still want my own money and to contribute. I wouldn’t argue if he wanted to pay for a nice vacation or something like that, but not 100% of everything. What happens in 20 years if he leaves her and she has no savings, retirement, or healthcare.”
What do you think? Is she wrong to want her name added to the house deed? Should she end the relationship over it? Or should she accept it and get a job?
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