The original poster (OP) is reaching out to the reddit community for advice after being shunned by a group of people. His former classmate Brad, 26, has cancer and was diagnosed with a rare form of Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. Brad’s family set up a GoFundMe account to help cover the cost of his treatment. They are hoping to raise $50,000.
The problem is that OP and Brad have never had a good relationship. In fact, Brad was OP’s high school bully. Brad used to treat him very badly. He would constantly make fun of his weight and call him offensive nicknames. OP says he doesn’t feel good about learning that Brad has cancer, but he also didn’t shed any tears.
A few days ago, a girl named Anna added her former classmates to a messenger chat group. She sent everyone the GoFundMe link and asked that everyone donate whatever they could, even if it was a small amount. Anna also said to send her a thumbs up after people have contributed, so she was tracking who was giving. OP says that almost everyone in the group gave a donation except for him.
Anna, of course, noticed this and sent him a message to ask if he had seen the link. OP decided to tell her that he didn’t plan to donate because of how Brad treated him in high school. Other people in the group also found out, and they and Anna told OP to stop acting like a jerk and to grow up. They said the things that happened in high school were in the past, and he needed to move on.
OP decided to leave the group because he didn’t want to argue with them. He says that none of them stood up for him while Brad was bullying him in high school, and most of them actually laughed at his dumb jokes. OP wonders if he is holding on to a grudge that he should let go of and donate to Brad’s cancer treatment.
Many readers focused more on the fact that donating to any cause is supposed to be a voluntary action.
“It’s called a donations because it’s voluntary. They’re trying to bully OP into donating to his childhood bully’s treatment.”
“When did it become OK to call out a person in public for not donating to some cause? That’s, to me, the gross behavior here, was she trying to shame you into donating? Even if he was the nicest guy on the planet, you are in no way obligated to donate money if you don’t want to.”
“Yeah, they’re still behaving like bullies. Doesn’t seem like much has changed.“
Some readers said there was no need for OP to explain himself in the first place.
“To the OP, by explaining yourself, you were trying to seek their approval and anytime you try to seek someone’s approval or agreement, that makes you an easy target. Do you think everybody donated? No. People just quietly removed themselves from the group, and some probably even blocked Anna.”
“She said “donate what you can” and OP decided they couldn’t donate anything. Shaming someone for not donating to something is cruel. It’s OPs money, and whether she agreed with OPs reasoning doesn’t mean it’s her decision.”
Many also agreed with OP that bullying can have lasting effects.
“Bullying is as ‘past’ as the victim thinks it is. Which usually and definitely in this case, means it isn’t ‘past’ at all. And now those who validated Brad’s bullying are doing it again. I can name every single person who made my childhood bad with bullying.”
“As a victim of bullying, I get you. Mine was many years ago, but you never forget.”
What do you think? Should OP forget about the bullying and donate to Brad’s cancer treatment? Or is he right to refuse to contribute to the person who made his life difficult for years?
This post originally appeared on reddit.
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