He has been with his girlfriend for 8 years, and they have lived together for 4 years. He is reaching out to the online community to see how he should handle his current problem with his girlfriend.
He admits that his girlfriend is the artsy type who always has a personal project she’s working on and tends to get lost in her own world. He understands her personality, but they have an ongoing problem: gift-giving.
They celebrated his birthday last weekend, and she bought him a pencil lengthier as a gift. He doesn’t use pencils, and the lengthier she purchased doesn’t even fit a typical No.2. It’s specifically for colored pencils. He isn’t an artist, so obviously, he doesn’t color.
When his girlfriend asked him if he liked the present, he quietly walked outside and tossed it in the trash. She became upset, called him a jerk for what he did, and said he should have at least tried to use it.
He says his girlfriend has been doing this since they started living together. She has repeatedly been gifting him things that she likes and ultimately ends up using herself. He says she bought him Sailor Moon stickers last year, a show that he doesn’t watch or like. She ended up using the stickers herself. She also purchased a jewelry box for him once, but he doesn’t wear jewelry. So she has been using the box herself.
He says it’s been a few days, and his girlfriend is still upset. She even complained to the parents on both sides, who scolded him for throwing her gift in the garbage. He says she admitted that she knew he would hate the gift and planned on using it herself in a few days. Apparently, she shared this information with the parents but he is still getting blamed for his actions.
He says they have talked about this problem more than once. His girlfriend admitted that she intentionally buys him things she wants for herself to show that she ‘tried’ to get him something.
He asked her if it would be helpful if he gave her a wish. She said she would never look at it, and, true to her word, she ignored the one he sent her. However, she sends him a wish list, and he buys her gifts from it.
He is reaching out to the online community to ask if he made a mistake by throwing out her gift in frustration.
Many readers said he should be petty and buy her things that he would like for himself to give her a taste of her own medicine.
“So what do you get yourself to use on her birthdays?” Another reader agreed with this comment and said, “Agreed, if OP doesn’t consider this a dealbreaker, this is the way to handle gifts going forward. At least until she realizes how this feels.”
“Seriously, she is buying you gifts for herself. She makes a habit of this. Have you turned it around on her yet? For the next gift you give her, get her something you really want (and she won’t want). When she gets upset about that, explain that you thought that was how your relationship worked since she buys things she wants when you get a gift.”
“As long as your gifts are things she wants, then her gifts should be things you want.”
“Sadly seems OP gets a Wishlist from her that he buys things for her from. I agree he could go this petty and definitely needs to if this isn’t his dealbreaker.”
“I wouldn’t even bother with that extra step. I’d just outright buy myself something on their birthday and give them absolutely nothing.”
Others say that this act of selfishness isn’t worth staying in the relationship. Rather than return the pettiness, break up with her.
“It’s simpler to just end the relationship with someone this selfish rather than sinking to their petty level.”
“I can see the feelings of retribution this may bring, but it’s much better to not be in a relationship where you feel you have to out-manipulate each other.”
“Winning some petty game of bad gift-giving isn’t worth sticking around in a terribly 1-sided relationship.”
“If your partner can’t listen to your words and has to literally be hurt by the same type of action to have a chance at understanding, there’s a huge problem. I’m not even that jaded, lol. I have a host of issues of my own, but even I can see the toxicity of having to show someone how something feels to you to make them understand. Especially in circumstances where your spoken feelings have been repeated, wish lists handed out, etc.”
“What the heck are you doing with someone so incredibly selfish, entitled, and unkind?”
“I mean, honestly, why play games at this point. Just get out. “
What do you think? Should he be petty and start buying her things that only he likes? Or is this a sign that it’s time to break up with her?
This post came from the following thread.
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