Relationships can be abusive but sometimes the abuse isn’t obvious. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where a person tries to sow seeds of doubt in a partner’s mind. This makes the partner question their own thoughts, feelings and reality of the situation. The partner becomes a victim without initially realizing it. Gaslighting often occurs in relationships where there is a power imbalance, and it can have serious effects on the victim’s self-esteem and mental well-being. For those concerned they may be a victim of gaslighting, here are 15 signs that could mean you are in an abusive relationship.
They Don’t Give You All the Information
Withholding information can be a very telling sign of a potential gaslighter. Withholding information works for them in that they can say they didn’t lie to you, you simply weren’t given all the details. Unfortunately for the partner who is a victim of gaslighting, they are unable to make an informed decision or assessment of situations if they don’t have all the facts.
They Constantly Lie to You
Gaslighters are also master liars. Not only do they withhold information, but the information they do give is also wrapped in lies. They will lie about small and big details, whatever suits their agenda and allows them more control in the relationship.
They Deny Clear Facts
It’s hard to imagine denying facts when they are clear and right in front of a person, but that’s exactly what gaslighters do. It’s all about advancing their agenda and if the facts don’t fit their narrative, they lie about them. They can be incredibly passionate about their denial of facts too, which makes it feel more authentic.
They Turn Their Love and Affection Into a Weapon
Love should come freely and without strings, but that’s not the case for gaslighters. Instead, their love is turned into a weapon and held over the head of their partner. There is the constant threat of taking away their love should their partner mess up or step out of line.
Your Needs are Ignored and Dismissed
A common trait with gaslighters is that their needs are always a priority. A partner’s needs are ignored and dismissed as “unimportant.” A gaslighter may even make the partner feel bad and selfish for expressing their own needs. The relationship is never about the partner, only the gaslighter.
Blame Is Always Put On You
When it comes to playing the victim card, gaslighters have mastered the skill. No matter the situation, the facts, or the details that led to it – the gaslighter is always the victim and their partner is always to blame. It is never a two-way street.
They Have a Selective Memory
Selective memory is something that can come in handy during an argument. Claiming to forget certain details, or describing them in a way that wasn’t reality allows the gaslighter to shape the narrative. They can be so adept at this that it makes their partner start to question their memory.
Your Insecurities Are Used Against You
Every person has insecurities. Insecurities feed into issues with self-confidence causing a person to think they aren’t good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, etc. In a healthy relationship, partners build each other up and never use insecurities against each other. For a gaslighter, insecurities are ammunition that they can throw in a partner’s face whenever they like.
They Never Admit They Have Hurt You
This sign goes back to shifting blame. Should a gaslighter hurt their partner in some way, they never admit any wrongdoing. They either manipulate the situation to shift the blame to someone else, or try to convince their partner they shouldn’t be hurt.
They Call You Crazy and Delusional
Sometimes arguments can spiral and result in the gaslighter calling their partner crazy or delusional, anything to better fit their narrative. Even if the partner has facts and receipts to back up their position, it won’t matter.
They Convince You That Everyone Else is Lying to You
Gaslighters go all-in on the notion that everyone else is lying and it’s never them. They will tell their partner that it’s the world who is lying, and they are the only ones being truthful. The gaslighter tries to make themselves look good, like a saviour.
They Are Always Critical of You But Not Themselves
A gaslighter is also hyper-critical of their partner, pointing out even the smallest things. On the flip side, they are never self-critical as they can do no wrong.
Their Words Don’t Match Their Actions
There is a common saying that actions speak louder than words; this isn’t a mantra gaslighters don’t prescribe to. They tend to be all talk and no action which can be a red flag in a relationship.
Gaslighters Project Actions Onto You
Projection means a person pushes their negative feelings, thoughts, and actions onto someone else thereby shifting blame or responsibility. Projection can be used to help a person cope and work as a defense mechanism. Because it can work to the benefit of a gaslighter, it is yet another tool in their chest of abuse.
They Use Lies to Isolate Their Partner
A victim of gaslighting can often feel alone and ostracized. They are led to believe that everyone is against them, everyone is lying to them, no one likes them, and they aren’t worthy of affection and love from others. The gaslighter works hard to ensure a sense of isolation as they turn their partner against everyone else through constant lies and manipulation.
16 Things People Won’t Tolerate in a Relationship
A red line in a relationship is something many have. It’s an invisible line by which if it is crossed by their partner, the relationship will suffer severely. Some couples choose to discuss these boundaries early in the relationship, while others choose not to disclose until the line has been crossed.
What’s interesting is that many people seem to have the same red flags, red lines, or breaking points. Here’s a look at the top 16 things that many people say they won’t tolerate in a relationship. These are the kinds of things that could cause the relationship to become beyond repair.
16 Things People Won’t Tolerate in a Relationship
15 Signs He Doesn’t Want to Marry You
Marriage stands as a significant milestone in many long-term relationships, symbolizing a deeper commitment and shared future. Yet, when years pass without any indication of moving towards this union, doubts can creep in as to what your partner’s intentions are and whether they are in this relationship for the long run. Here are 15 subtle signs that may indicate a partner’s reluctance towards marriage.