Many people are raised to believe they shouldn’t ‘rock the boat’ and try their best to get along with everyone in the family. But should people keep enabling the more aggressive and selfish family members to keep the peace? A young woman is seeking the advice of the Reddit community because of her sister’s behavior. She begins her story by describing her sister as a ‘wedding’ person because she has always dreamed of having an elaborate wedding, even before meeting her boyfriend. Now that she is engaged, she wants an expensive cinematic venue, hundreds of people attending her wedding, a designer dress, and more. She says her sister cares a lot about being ‘the first’ and making everything special ‘just hers.’
She says she is happy for her sister and wishes her the best. But a problem arose when her boyfriend planned a surprise anniversary getaway at a tropical island that happens to be where her sister had planned her honeymoon. Her boyfriend had no way of knowing this as he doesn’t keep in touch with her sister or her fiance. She also had no idea her sister planned to go to the same destination. They hadn’t actually booked anything, she was just ‘planning’ on it. She didn’t even know this until she announced at their family dinner where they were going.
Her sister says that going there first will take away the destination’s surprise and ‘specialness’ and insists she cancels or change her trip and go elsewhere. She feels her sister is acting entitled and doesn’t feel right asking her boyfriend to change their plans when he put the effort into surprising her with this trip.
However, her sister is now threatening to remove her from the wedding if she doesn’t change her vacation plans, and her parents are begging her to give in. Her boyfriend has offered to pick a new location because he doesn’t like seeing her upset and fighting with her family. She is reaching out to ask if she is being stubborn or if she should give in to her sister’s demands.
Some people questioned the theory behind ‘don’t rock the boat.’ Are you really keeping the peace by appeasing the person threatening to destroy it? Really, you are only leaving the tyrant at peace by allowing them to continue their behavior. The people in their target will never be at ease. The family will constantly be walking on eggshells around them. If it’s not one situation, another will arise, just like she tells us about a second issue other than the vacation plans.
One reader asked: “Why should you have to cater to her insane behavior?”
To which she replied: “It honestly didn’t even start here. She asked me to dye my hair a different color on her wedding day, so we didn’t match (we’re both brunettes). I haven’t even had that conversation with her yet.”
Another reader suggested that if she goes on the trip, she won’t have to worry about dying her hair because she won’t attend the wedding.
“Well, if she kicks you out of the wedding for going on the vacation, you won’t have to dye your hair. Tell your parents to tell your sister to stop claiming things she doesn’t own as hers “to keep the peace.” Have fun at her dream destination.”
Many readers turned their attention to the fiancé, wondering how he could even handle a bride-to-be with this type of behavior.
“The bride-to-be seems to want her perfect wedding, and it makes me wonder if her partner can even have a word in the planning. As for OPs (original poster) parents, they probably care more about “what people will say” than the fact that OPs sister is making such ridiculous demands.”
Should she give into her sister’s demands so as not to ‘rock the boat?’ Or should she stop the tradition of giving in to her sister’s demands, go on her vacation as planned, and not dye her hair for the wedding?
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This post originally appeared on reddit.