The original poster (OP) recently became engaged when she first shared with readers. Although it’s a happy occasion for her, she is extremely confused by the engagement ring that she received.
Her Fiancé is Wealthy
OP says she knows her fiancé is doing well financially and he does spend money for a good life. He also rotates between a few very expensive watches that he wears to work.
She Also Works
OP works and she says although she doesn’t make as much as her fiancé, she wouldn’t be struggling if she were on her own.
They Share Their Finances
OP says they openly share their finances so she knows he doesn’t have debt unless its something he is hiding from her which she doesn’t believe is the case.
The Engagement Ring is Underwhelming
OP says the ring is nice and understated, but isn’t an engagement ring to show off. The stone is quite small and unlikely a real diamond. It’s also not a family heirloom.
She Showed Her Ring
When she showed her ring to her family, OP says the mood got awkward and they “feigned excitement” long enough until it was ok to change the topic. She isn’t upset with them.
She’s Wasn’t Expecting Something Extremely Expensive
OP says she wasn’t expecting something that was 3 months worth of salary like some people expect. But she says her ring is something she would be wearing daily for decades and is considered a symbol of his love.
She Saw the Charge on the Bank Statement
OP says she saw the charge on the bank statement and the cost of the ring was only $150.
It Cost Less Than a Gaming Console
OP says the ring is a long-term investment piece and given the wear and sentimentality behind it, he should have spent more on it than the cost of a gaming console.
He Bought Her Much More Expensive Jewellery Before
OP says part of her shock is also because her fiancé has bought her more expensive jewellery in the past so it’s odd for him to low ball such an important item. She says he has gifted diamond studs and other fine jewelry before and will spurge a bit more if its something for the both of them such as a surprise getaway weekend or for a holiday.
She’s Still Happy to Be Engaged
OP reminds readers that being unhappy with the ring doesn’t mean she’s unhappy with the relationship. She’s extremely happy to be engaged to her fiancé and to spend her life with him.
The Readers React
The readers are mostly supportive of OP on this one.
He Didn’t Spend Enough
Many readers were surprised that he only spent $150 dollars on the ring and could understand OP’s confusion.
“NTA I think you need to communicate asap and find out the reasoning behind this ring. It’s not always about the actual money but about the message it sends. To you he’s saying that he might not think you’re worth spending more money on. Or it could be completely different in his mind. But you won’t know until you talk to him. Engagement rings are a significant statement in our society as much as people want to think otherwise. Plus this is a good way to figure out if you share similar values around money etc.”
“NTA it’s a big deal, even birthday presents are normally more expensive than this, it’s a symbol and something you’d wear like until you die. Whoever is saying YTA it’s just playing the dumb “money isn’t everything blabla” sure, you don’t marry for money but you expect effort and try to make each other feel special, a 150$ ring is not that.”
They Should Talk it Out
Many readers said she should talk about the ring with her fiancé to see what he was thinking to spend so little on it. Many people said they should have talked about her style of ring that she likes rather than waiting until later.
“I don’t understand why people romanticize the “surprise” element of a proposal. I think open communication and the shared commitment of planning for the future is more romantic than any sort of unilateral proposal out of the blue.”
She Should Upgrade it Herself
a few readers suggested OP go out and buy the ring she really wanted.
“NTA. Not as much as a game console. Ouch. Consider it a blessing, you now get go out, choose your own and buy it. It would be worse if he spent $5,000.00 on a ring you hated. I’m sure if you have this exact conversation with your fiancé he would be happy fo fix it. He may just think the marriage is more important than the ring.”
Was He Testing Her?
One reader had a thought “Honestly- I’ve heard stories of guys buying cheap rings to scare off gold diggers- If she asks for a better one he calls it a red flag. Is that a possibility with him?”
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