The original poster (OP) is divorced from her husband Tony but she says it ended amicably. But there is an issue that he suddenly learned and can’t get past.
They Were Together a Long Time
She was married to her ex-husband for 26 years and broke up 2 years ago.
They Remained on Good Terms
They share four children together so they have remained on good terms. The ended the relationship because of circumstances – he discovered he was gay.
She Felt Pressured to Take His Name
OP says due to societal pressure, she added her husband’s name to hers, so all of her documents like identification, driver’s license, passport, credit cards, voter registration card, etc. have her ex-husband’s last name on them.
It’s Time Consuming to Change it Back
OP says what’s stopping her from changing it back to her maiden name is all the work that’s involved like going to government agencies and banks and paying for it all as well.
She Doesn’t Say It Anyway
She only introduces herself by her maiden name even though his last name is on all of her documents.
Tony is Engaged
Tony is engaged and planning to get married in the next year.
Her Son Saw Her Documents and Was Surprised
OP’s son and his family decided to travel and invited her. She gave him her identification so he could make reservations for her.
Her Son Mentioned It
At her grandson’s party, her son mentioned jokingly that he couldn’t believe she hadn’t changed her last name. He said this in front of her ex Tony and his fiancé.
She Laughed About it
OP laughed it off and said that she was too lazy to rush and change everything that had his name on it.
Tony Was Disturbed By it
Tony asked if she really hadn’t changed her name, and didn’t she think that him being engaged to someone else was the best time to change it. OP says he insisted that it was weird of her to not change it.
He Called Her and Was Angry
He called OP to discuss it again and told her she was acting weird and like a jerk for refusing to change her name and said it was uncomfortable for him.
She’s Asking Others for Their Opinion
Her son said he understands her side of not wanting to change her name but he also understands why Tony is uncomfortable with his ex using his name still after the divorce. This is why she is asking for an outside opinion.
The Readers Respond
Many readers didn’t see the big deal about not changing her name right away. Two years really wasn’t a long time to be divorced. Readers also came to OP’s defence.
“If having his ex share a last name with him bothers him that much, then maybe he should take his fiancé’s name after they marry.”
“Also if she changes it she will no longer have the same last name as her children.”
“Like who cares, OPs ex is lucky she’s so kind after spending her life with somebody lying to her and himself and their children.”
What’s the Big Deal?
Many said that her ex is lucky to have an ex wife like OP who divorced amicably and is still civil with him.
“Like who cares, OPs ex is lucky she’s so kind after spending her life with somebody lying to her and himself and their children.”
It’s also not uncommon for women to keep their ex’s last name. Some keep it because they are already established professionally, some because it’s their children’s names and some don’t want to go through the hassle like OP.
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