Brother Quits Best Man Role After Being Told to Leave His Disabled Wife With a Babysitter. Was He Right To Bow Out of the Wedding?

The original poster (OP) was due to be the Best Man at his brother’s wedding, and his wife would attend the wedding with him. Unfortunately, his wife has some injuries that make her slow to respond and understand what others are saying. She also sometimes needs help with her food, like cutting it into smaller pieces. OP lovingly says she is still an intelligent and capable person.
They both attended the rehearsal dinner. After the dinner, his sister-in-law-to-be privately told him it would be best if his wife went to the second venue, where professional babysitting services would be provided for children under 12 who would not be attending the wedding.

The sister-in-law acted like she was doing him a favor by sending his wife to the second venue. She said he wouldn’t have to feed her and could have fun at the wedding without her. He was furious and confronted his brother. But his brother sided with his wife-to-be and said it was for the best and he could always go to the second venue and check on her. 

OP told his brother that he didn’t appreciate how his wife was being treated and that he was dropping out as Best Man. Some people believed he was right to be angry, including his parents. However, although they disagreed with what the bride and groom said, the parents said its ultimately the bride and groom’s choice, and he needed to “get over his ego and come to the wedding.”

OP decided not to attend.

He heard after that one of the groomsmen stepped in as Best Man and gave a speech. His brother sent him a text message saying that he expected better of him. OP replied back that he expected better of his brother. His sister-in-law sent a long text message saying that he ruined their big day on purpose and made them look bad. 

Readers Were Not Impressed with the Bride and Groom

Thousands of readers responded in disbelief that the OP’s family would act this way.

“The ableism and infantilizing of your wife from your SIL and brother is disgusting and beyond AH behaviour.”

“And then SiL and OP’s brother had the audacity to try to make THEMSELVES out to be the victims in this. It’s absolutely vile.”

Many believed the parent’s response was also very disappointing.

“Not to mention his parents saying “we don’t agree but get over your ego.” the whole family sucks (except OP.) NTA OP, keep doing what you’re doing.”

Shining a Light on People With Disabilities

“I have a brother with disabilities, very noticeable disabilities.

He’s been laughed at.

He’s been talked badly about. He’s been shoved around in stores. He’s been made fun of. ( like seriously grown adults mimicking my brother in order to laugh at him, you people).”

“I work with special needs. Adults are always the worst. It’s been my experience that kids, especially young kids, are just curious as to “why” and then they don’t care. They either go about their business or, depending on if we’re at a park or something, try to include them in playing. It’s always the adults that act like fools.”

“I’m disabled and can vouch for it being a sad reality. It’s also common for random strangers to come up to you and ask “what’s wrong with you?” Like because you can see me struggling physically, it means my medical history is up for discussion with everyone? I now respond “why, are you a doctor?” Polite but firmly gets my point across.”

Let’s also remember to focus on how his wife would have felt being left with children and a babysitter.

“Imagine, too, being the wife, if that’s how it actually went down.I can’t even imagine the devastation I would feel if I was treated that way by my partner and family.”

One reader had the best comeback for the bride and groom:

“Yeah, OP and his wife are definitely NTA in this and everyone else in that family is absolutely horrid. I would have thrown the freaking vows in their face. “I didn’t realize that in sickness and in health meant so little to you, my family.” Then stare them all right in the eyes and go “And I hope you have as much love for your spouse as I do for my wife as this just shows to me that if even the slightest inconvenience heads your way, they’ll leave you with a ‘sitter’ while they go have some fun.”

Over a thousand people commented on how people with disabilities get treated poorly, sympathizing with his wife or how horrible the bride and groom were to suggest his wife go to a babysitter. 

How would you handle the situation if you were Best Man and told your wife with disabilities shouldn’t attend? Was he right to not attend the wedding?

 This article was produced by This Mom is On Fire

This post originally appeared on Reddit

Image credit© nomadsoulphotos via