She and her husband have their birthdays close together. This year they decided to go big and celebrate both birthdays in Las Vegas.
His Gift is a Luxury Car Rental
They decided to rent a luxury car for the weekend for his birthday present, which would cost around $1,000. Her husband is thrilled about this experience.
She Considered a Couples Massage
Originally the plan for her birthday present was to get a couples massage. However, she felt it was overpriced, so they decided it wasn’t worth it.
She Will Shop for Her Gift
She decided to go shopping instead.
They Worked on a Budget
When they tried to work out the budget for the weekend, her husband asked her what she planned to spend on shopping.
She Wants the Same Amount of Money as the Value of His Gift
She said $1,000 since that’s the amount they would spend on his car rental for the weekend. She also said that amount because she’s interested in buying a set of expensive bedsheets from Pottery Barn.
He Disagrees
However, they are not on the same page. All of their finances are joined, but he makes double her income. She also says that $500 for the car rental cost came from money he won in a Fantasy football league.
She is Annoyed
She is annoyed because her husband thinks her shopping allowance should be $500 since he contributed to half of his gift. He also wanted to shop but wanted to limit their spending budget to $1,000, so he reluctantly decided not to.
Shouldn’t it Be Equal?
She believes that since their finances are joined, his winnings are just part of his income, which also belongs to her. So she believes it’s still $1,000 they are spending on his gift, regardless of where the money is coming from.
She Does More Housework
She says that although he makes more than she does, she does most of the cooking, cleaning, and home maintenance. She is reaching out to the online community to ask if his winnings should be considered shared since everything else is?
The Readers Respond
Although many readers couldn’t believe how much the bed sheets would cost (they would cost almost $1,000 on their own), they did believe that she should be able to spend as much as her husband did on his gift.
“NTA for wanting to have the same treatment/fun money as him if all your assets are shared. And if he makes more but you do more chores, and you split all money equally, then you “deserve” the same gift. (But seriously, $1000 bedsheets?).”
A Reader Provided an Alternative Amount
One reader did a calculation that they felt would be a fairer representation of the value of the gift and the amount of money she should really have to spend.
“Equal spending money, birthday presents, etc., makes for strong marriages. But what was the price to rent a basic car? Wasn’t his present the upgrade portion, not the whole thing? And do you understand windfall money, second job money, bonuses, or large cash gifts? Even splitting all the rest 50/50, my relationship allowed at least 25% of the windfall or overtime money to go to the person who won it for their own fun spend. My take: upgrade was $1000 – $250 basic rental you would have spent anyway – 25% x $500 football pool=$625 value for your guys’ birthday gift.”
Is She Being Competitive?
Another reader also supported her position but felt that by making the birthday so competitive, she would risk ruining the entire experience.
“Just make sure to communicate clearly with the husband about budgets and make the weekend about you both. If you’re going to splurge on him, then yeah, it’s fair to splurge on yourself as well! But don’t turn it too much into a constant tit-for-tat thing. Keep it balanced and have fun.”
Finally, one reader felt she was making the birthday weekend too much about herself now when it’s supposed to be about both of them.
“Your post makes it seem like you feel entitled to “as much as he gets” when a relationship should be about celebrating and supporting your partner. Not, “We spent this much on him, so I get this much too.”
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