Image Credit: copyright ferlistockphoto from Getty Images via Canva.
Women need to have a few great friends to turn to for love, support, and fun when needed. But what happens when they start giving you lousy dating advice that is keeping you single? Are you driving away good men by listening to your tribe and implementing terrible dating tips? The following is a list of bad dating advice women give each other that sends men running.
1. You Can Fix Him
Some women go into a relationship thinking they can change a man. But setting this expectation can be unrealistic and disappointing.
“Of course people can turn themselves around if they have the strong desire and willpower to do so. Unfortunately most people do not wish to invest into this because it’s an extremely unpleasant journey requiring substantial efforts for a very long time. As such, people become a more pronounced version of their earlier self.”
“It’s so very true. I wish I had learned it sooner. Can’t love the potential of a person long term.”
“Well men can change of course but they won’t for a woman unless they want to themselves. Never go into a relationship thinking you can change someone. Coming from a woman as well.”
2. Play Hard to Get
Some women believe that men want to have something to chase. So if you give into the attraction too easily, he will get bored and move on.
“Playing hard to get, or acting cold to get men’s attention. It just make most men feel bad. Even if it works, it is a sort of miserable behavior.
“I learned never ever chase women who play hard to get. I’ll move on so fast. Nothing more unattractive then someone who plays games on purpose.”
“Hard to get quickly becomes hard to want.”
3. Play Mind Games
Almost all of the male readers agreed that they prefer a woman who is direct. Mixed signals confuse them and deter many from pursuing the relationship.
“It’s really confusing whether you’re being friendly or flirty because if we go approach and you get weirded out, now the friendship is off balance. Women should be direct or at least make it more pronounced that there is an interest.”
4. Get Advice From Social Media
Sometimes women turn to social media and other forums for relationship advice and share it with their girlfriends. Just because it’s on the internet, doesn’t mean its good advice.
“I’ve heard so many stories of women throwing away good relationships because of this “tik tok dating coach” level advice lol.”
“We’re living in this immensely destructive time where young people are flooded with completely unqualified, untrained, inexperienced “coaches” on tiktok and IG spewing toxic advice. It’s warping an entire generation who are eating it up as if its legit advice.”
5. Don’t Take Initiative
Several women commented that females are viewed as being too assertive if they take initiative, so they believe that it can turn a man off.
“I have a rather assertive personality and have no problem approaching the person I want because they never approach me, but I was told men don’t like aggressive women and if you have to pursue a man then he’s really not that into you. But I’ve been told I look intimidating (I have some serious RBF) and men aren’t trying to cross the line these days. Sadly I also have a one of those “is she flirting or is she just being nice” personalities once you start talking to me so it’s always some dude I don’t actually want who picks the wrong choice. I’m going back to going after what I want thanx.”
“I never realized exactly how little non verbal communication men actually use until I moved in with my boyfriend. It’s been so eye opening. I am very clear with my verbal communication but so much of the little hints and clues I had (even subconsciously) been giving him just went right over his head and I never knew lol.”
I think women are sometimes discouraged from being “too upfront” because it’s not ladylike/polite. Non verbal communication is ingrained in us as much as verbal communication is.”
6. Don’t Show Empathy
Some women feel like men should be there to support them and not the other way around. If they lack compassion and empathy, then the relationship won’t last.
“There is this thing which CERTAIN women do, where they encourage other women to have absolutely zero empathy for men. The slightest display of insecurity by a man is an obvious sign that he is trying to control you. When a man takes a metaphorical step back in a committed relationship to sort out his mental issues, then it is quite obvious that he isn’t being cognizant of the fact that he needs to do everything in his power to make sure that you are completely happy and at peace at all times, even though you played a role in his deteriorating mental health.”
7. They Give Advice Without Full Context
Without understand the boyfriend’s perspective, some friends may jump to conclusions and offer poor advice.
“He didn’t call you because he was caught up at work? Girl, lets go to the bar and meet guys!” or “It’s innocent, your boyfriend is just being jealous about the guy who keeps calling you. Anything like that.”
8. Don’t Respond to Texts Immediately
“Don’t respond to his texts right away, you’ll seem desperate”
This goes back to playing mind games. They might even put the potential boyfriend in a lose-lose situation if he responds too quickly by calling him desperate.
“Or likewise thinking this of a bloke when he replies quickly. Of course he’s replying fast, HE’S INTERESTED.
Simple rule of thumb:
he replies fast: he’s interested/engaged
he won’t leave you alone: he’s desperate”
9. Be Indirect
Women who choose to be indirect may be missing out on big opportunities because the men don’t understand their signals.
“Yeah, the number of time when I facepalm myself for ignoring those « evident call ». I´ve discovered that a big crush of mine in high scool was later interested in me. It’s been 5 years and I learned it now. Pretty amazed about how we can be so blind sometimes.”
A couple of women posted that they changed their ways and decided to be more direct and it paid off.
“The way I found my now husband is by finally accepting I should be very forward to guys I was interested in. No point bemoaning that men didn’t approach me if I wasn’t willing to put in the effort either.”
“I did the same. I realized I was following the stereotype of sitting around waiting for Prince Charming and being perpetually annoyed by only being hit on by certain type of men. So when I met someone I liked I told him so, asked him to ask me out (lol) and I kissed him first. Worked out well. Been together 5 years and got a dog out of it.”
10. Don’t Act Too Confident
Some women believe that acting confident will turn some men away.
“Girl, your confidence is just too much for men who cant handle a strong woman!” apparently that sends us running in fear. The truth is its usually arrogance not confidence, materialism not ambition, and a belief in new age mysticism passing as intelligence/spirituality that probably sent men running.”
“In all my decades of being a man, I’ve never ever had a guy say to me “I’d ask her out but her confidence scares me!”
11. Marry Up
Some women who are successful are made to believe that they should only be with a man who is even more successful than they are.
“That may be one reason that many of the very top level women are single. It’s hard to find guys who are more successful than them. And not all men are attracted to highly successful women. Successful men have a huge number of women to choose from. Some are attracted to good looking supportive women. They don’t need someone to bring in extra income. This leaves the numbers ratio skewed against successful women (and also against short unsuccessful men).”
“This is a truth I know as a professional with many years in the dating industry. Whenever I say it I tend to get howled down. People recognize the truth of it but don’t want to admit it.”
“I dated a girl whose mother was absolutely insane. Like on the board of directors at a national scale organization, multiple awards from industry over the years, made tons of money, super high energy. Successful is a HUGE understatement, she could schedule appointments with the top provincial leaders, and Im sure that if she tried hard enough, the prime minister. But her dating life wasn’t great. Every man she found wasn’t anywhere near as hardcore so she always left them. The problem to you or I sounds obvious, but I think she was still stuck in the old mindset of “Im a woman, I always marry up.”
12. Men Want Independent Women
Some women believe that the top priority for men is to only want women in highly successful careers.
“Independence, she has a career. Has her own money. Things guys generally don’t care about.”
“Oh men do care about these qualities, but they are so far down the list that most men rarely are at the position when these matter.”
“Like, for most men, their top concerns are: the woman should be attractive to them, nice to be with, and interested in them. Securing these 3 is likely going to take 5-7 different relationships and 20+ years of trial and error.”
13. You Can ‘Train’ Him
“It’s easy to train a man to make him what you want to be. I hate these women (who think this way).”
“My friend is currently doing this to her boyfriend. I honestly feel bad for him”
“I can’t believe people think that. You can’t change ANYONE.”
14. Don’t Settle
“The whole don’t settle thing. Like you have to compromise on some things. You setting 10000 custom preferences to find your male clone on a dating app won’t get you anywhere.”
“The worst advice in modern dating given by women to women is “Don’t settle” which by their definition means don’t compromise at all. Relationships will always have aspects you will have to compromise about.”
Another male reader wrote that he has made that mistake himself: “This is the worst dating advice for men too. I operated on that mentality early on, and all it cost me was the best relationship I ever had. Sometimes you do hit the jackpot on the first spin.”
15. Keep Meeting People on Dating Apps
Instead of working on relationships that may be worth pursuing, some people build the mentality that there is always someone better out there waiting to be found.
“The dating apps have allowed people to be so replaceable at the swipe of the finger. People are too lazy nowadays to try and work things out.”
16. Wait to Be Pursued
The mentality is that men will think you are desperate if you initiate any sort of interest.
“When it comes to dating in general, I think it’s bad advice to “wait” for someone you’re attracted to pursue you rather than be direct. Also, please contribute to plans/conversation/effort for the relationship. I hate it feels one-sided.”
17. Give Him an Ultimatum
Giving an ultimatum is like forcing somebody into a corner. Without understand their perspective and by trying to control them, the relationship will likely fail.
“Dumbest idea ever. He will bail and you will hate your friend for telling you to do that.
“I once heard a girl complain about her guy not replying to her texts. The other girl said he is such a waste of time and she should find someone better. He was at work all day.”
18. All Men Are Pigs
“If you’re already assuming we’re terrible, you’re going to treat us like we’re terrible.”
19. He Should Bend Over Backwards For You
Some women believe a man should slay a dragon to win their heart. Setting really high expectations can send him running.
“If he puts in effort, reject him, see if he’s willing to try harder, if so, take him, else not.” – A former girl-friend 2020
20. Advice that Generalizes All Men
“Anytime a woman tells another woman “men only want….” or “no man will want you if you do…..”
If you follow that advice you will end up with a man who is basic. Just like women are quick to say that they all are different and want different things, men are also not all the same and want different things.”
21. Act Like Other Men Are Interested
One male reader heard a woman tell another woman to act like she had many men interested in her:
“I heard recently when a co-worker was talking about the new guy she liked and another female coworker told her to act like she was having lunches/coffee with other dudes to make him jealous enough to just ask her out. I told her that was the single most stupid thing I’ve heard in my life, and if a woman said that to me I’d move on immediately and never speak to her again. They rolled their eyes, and he ghosted her 2 days later.”
22. Friends Who Point Our His Flaws
“These are some of the stupid things my wife’s single friends say to each other:
“Girl I know he’s the perfect guy but he’s not tall enough!” 14.5% of men in the US are 6’0 or taller.
“Girl I know he’s a great guy but he doesn’t make enough” Average salary for men is 38.4K
“Girl he treats you right but he plays video games and watches anime.” Would you rather him be home with you or running the streets?
23. Don’t Treat All Men the Same
“Be casual with one set of guys for fun and being stricter with guys you want a long term relationship with. Most guys don’t like that, major turn off.”
24. Be Subtle and Aloof
This behavior falls in line with playing mind games and not being direct with your feelings.
“We’re not mind readers and appreciate clear cut language. “
“Want me? Tell me. We’re adults. Not the weird behaviors that you expect me to interpret. Say it. Bought me a gift? Cool. Friends get me gifts all the time. Wondering what I’m doing later? Cool, that’s a normal thing people ask each other.”
25. Quick to Say ‘Dump Him’
“There are way too many assumptions made, with the result being , ‘Dump him’, when the advice should be “talk to him about it.”
26. Keep Your Standards High
Everyone should have some set of standards, but not to the point where they feel unachievable by every person you meet.
“Talking about standards. But they are superficial standards, that don’t mean anything in successful long term relationships. Meanwhile, there are really important standards they should be focused on.”
27. Blame the Man
Women need to support each but they should understand his perspective as well before immediately blaming him.
“Accountability (lack of). They seem to always blame the men for what the women caused. It’s crazy how many times I hear women supporting each other by condoning their poor decisions, just for the sake of taking her side. Then she’ll never learn, and wonder why she keeps finding the same types of guys, or runs into the same issues. It’s just crazy.”
28. Validating Their Friend on Everything
If a friend is under the impression that there is nothing she is doing wrong in a relationship, good friends can gently help a friend understand anything she can do to improve herself.
“Generally, giving each other automatic validation. Not every woman is kind, funny, beautiful, smart, etc, and some women need to be told to improve themselves if they want to date.”
29. You Can Do Better
“He’s ok, but you can do better than that! He doesn’t make enough money, not good looking enough, he’s too short, he doesn’t have a good job…..”
30. Wait For Your Soul Mate
“Relationships are full of compromises and messiness to make them work and be healthy. “Soul mates” is a made up thing that rarely happens and an impossible standard for anyone to live up to.”
Some people believe that single friends keep other friends single by giving bad dating advice. Should women only accept dating advice from happily married friends or friends in good relationships?
These responses were curated from Reddit and produced on This Mom is On Fire.